I have thought about getting acrylic nails plenty of times, but I would never go through with it out of the fear of judgment. I think it hurts more when the idea is brought up within the topic of gay men “taking away womanly things.” I was unaware that certain desires and lifestyle choices are for women and men should stick to short nails and maybe, just maybe, paint their nails black. The same was said about makeup.
Men don’t cry, women do housework, men cannot wear makeup, boys will be boys. It's almost as if men are supposed to be stone-cold heartless robots, but that sounds far fetched and absurd, right?
Toxic masculinity is adherence to traditional male gender roles that consequently stigmatizes and limits the emotions boys and men may comfortably express while suppressing other emotions with anger. It is a socially destructive learned trait.
Societal norms and traditional gender roles could be an incredibly long article of their own. Society expects men to be problem solvers and to have a mindset of getting money and supporting the household. Women are supposed to be caring and nurturing to men and children.
There are several aspects of toxic masculinity that are deemed socially destructive, some of these being misogyny, homophobia, greed and violent domination. Today, I’m going to tackle homophobia.
Homophobia is the dislike or prejudice of homosexuals. A lot of men are pressured by society to be masculine and straight in order to be accepted. Being seen as anything but straight puts a bright red sticker labeled “feminine” or “unacceptable” on their forehead.
Straight men will put gay men down in order to raise their own low self-esteem. Teens my age will hit each other’s butts or they'll hump each other, then disguise that behavior with the words “no homo.” The same words are used when they discuss their feelings because that could be considered “gay” too. Everything goes sideways when a gay man does the same things. That’s when he’s called a f----t, because “no homo” doesn’t apply to him.
Straight men will put gay men down in order to raise their own low self-esteem. Teens my age will hit each other’s butts or they'll hump each other, then disguise that behavior with the words “no homo.” The same words are used when they discuss their feelings because that could be considered “gay” too. Everything goes sideways when a gay man does the same things. That’s when he’s called a f----t, because “no homo” doesn’t apply to him.
These straight men internalize society’s rules and expectations and form insecurities and anxieties that center around breaking these rules or not living up to these expectations. Peter S. Theodore and Susan A. Basow, researchers at Lafayette College, described this anxiety in their research article on masculinity and homophobia.
“This anxiety leads many males to reject gay men as a means to reaffirming their sense of masculinity,” they wrote. “While the rejection can range anywhere from covert expressions of disgust and disapproval to overt forms of physical and verbal abuse, each form of homophobia ‘’defines who one is by identifying gay people as a symbol of what one is not.’’’
This rejection of sorts causes ruptures in the lives of both LGBTQ men and straight men. Men consider emotion and expression to be feminine qualities and because of that, they learn to be cold and abrasive. They hold back fear, sadness, lust, and too many other emotions and give it back as anger, anger towards the men that aren’t doing the same as them. These pent up emotions aren’t dealt with so men never heal from the trauma that they hold and they never gain the necessary coping mechanisms. This causes them to live in an “if you can’t beat ‘em, make ‘em join” mindset. Bisexual and pansexual men who are attracted to more than one gender are stuck in a loop of thinking that they have to choose a side because society thinks they're confused.
Society as a whole is actively fighting itself. One one side, there are the people that want to teach boys to be more emotionally open and intelligent. On the other, there are people that stick to these toxic and unhealthy ideals and this only causes a war as the children of tomorrow are pitted against each other. A controversial Gillette ad points the finger at men and the atrocities that have been accepted for far too long with the saying “Boys will be boys.” They point the finger at the men of the past and instruct them on how to right their wrongs in order to turn the men of tomorrow into real men, men that respect women and don’t harass and bully other boys for not being rambunctious as them.
Men in the LGBTQ+ community are forced into living lives that are untrue to themselves. They are living in households that force them to live in fear of the people they love finding out about the lifestyle that they want to live. This is where internalized homophobia is born. (You can read my article about internalized homophobia here.) They were raised to dislike the way they want to live. Because of this, they grow to fear the community they are a part of and may live unaccepted within the straight community while remaining skeptical of the LGBTQ+ people and community.
“This anxiety leads many males to reject gay men as a means to reaffirming their sense of masculinity,” they wrote. “While the rejection can range anywhere from covert expressions of disgust and disapproval to overt forms of physical and verbal abuse, each form of homophobia ‘’defines who one is by identifying gay people as a symbol of what one is not.’’’
This rejection of sorts causes ruptures in the lives of both LGBTQ men and straight men. Men consider emotion and expression to be feminine qualities and because of that, they learn to be cold and abrasive. They hold back fear, sadness, lust, and too many other emotions and give it back as anger, anger towards the men that aren’t doing the same as them. These pent up emotions aren’t dealt with so men never heal from the trauma that they hold and they never gain the necessary coping mechanisms. This causes them to live in an “if you can’t beat ‘em, make ‘em join” mindset. Bisexual and pansexual men who are attracted to more than one gender are stuck in a loop of thinking that they have to choose a side because society thinks they're confused.
Society as a whole is actively fighting itself. One one side, there are the people that want to teach boys to be more emotionally open and intelligent. On the other, there are people that stick to these toxic and unhealthy ideals and this only causes a war as the children of tomorrow are pitted against each other. A controversial Gillette ad points the finger at men and the atrocities that have been accepted for far too long with the saying “Boys will be boys.” They point the finger at the men of the past and instruct them on how to right their wrongs in order to turn the men of tomorrow into real men, men that respect women and don’t harass and bully other boys for not being rambunctious as them.
Men in the LGBTQ+ community are forced into living lives that are untrue to themselves. They are living in households that force them to live in fear of the people they love finding out about the lifestyle that they want to live. This is where internalized homophobia is born. (You can read my article about internalized homophobia here.) They were raised to dislike the way they want to live. Because of this, they grow to fear the community they are a part of and may live unaccepted within the straight community while remaining skeptical of the LGBTQ+ people and community.