The life I have now started in 8th grade when I thought this odd absence of emotion was a survival technique my body decided to pick up. At the time I thought the apocalypse was coming at any moment. And it did: the clouds in my head darkened and brought in heavy rain, some of it leaks through my eyes. Then the tectonic plates made earthquakes that split right through my heart. Then the volcanoes erupted in my brain and burned down all my thoughts. Now I'm standing here watching my world fall apart and not knowing how to save it. Sometimes I try to forget it but this sight is just so hard to miss when I wake up and see it in the mirror.

***

"Hey, how are you" they ask

The race my brain was once in is now racing even faster as it tries to forget a random memory and make a flipagram out of the worst ones and trying to decide whether I should say good again, or actually answer this time. Then my brain takes a sip of humor juice and answers "nah I'm dead inside." What they confuse for humor is what I call a true story, I'm constantly conflicted and the depression jokes are real life but I slide in a smile so they forget about it like I try to every day. I have trouble with basic math but I can think of one memory and remake them into a thousand different scenarios all without the same outcome. I can go from happy to sad all based off of how my playlist decided to shuffle. 

***

I hate you and everything you stand for, i hate that you have to remind yourself you’re ok, i hate that you lie to yourself and say everything is alright,  i hate the way you look in the mirror, into your own eyes and through all the darkness you find even the slightest light of hope and hold onto it. I hate that you’d rather take the pain from other people instead of getting rid of your pains. I hate that you put yourself below everyone you meet and you’re so willing to risk so much for people that dont care about you. I hate that you are so nice to people. I hate that you go back to the people that did you wrong because you see the good in them no matter how much bad they show. I hate that no matter how hard life gets you stand and fight life back even harder, giving your all into a lost cause. I hate that you let the good people walk out so easily but keep the bad people close and allow them to derail you and change you into something you don't want to become. I hate that rather than coming out and admitting that you are having trouble, you hide behind the humor and the weirdness and hope nobody sees through it. I hate you because I am your hate, for that we will always be bound to each other, so while you think you may be spreading me to everyone else you’re directing to yourself.

The following investigation into high school sexual harassment was submitted by a team of reporters at a Boston Public high school. We have chosen to withhold the identity of the school because the writers of the piece were unable to interview students and teachers outside of their own school. We know that this is a problem prevalent within the wider Boston Public School system,  and we did not want the writers’ limitations to convey otherwise. 

For many high school students, specifically girls, sexual harassment is a problem. According to Equal Rights Advocate, “Sexual harassment can happen in three different ways: verbal (comments about your body, spreading sexual rumors, dirty jokes or stories etc), physical (grabbing, rubbing, touching, pitching in a sexual way, sexual assault), and visual (display of naked pictures or sex-related objects, obscene gestures).”  

“I feel like sometimes this person will try to abuse me one day if I let them touch me,” said Daphcar, a 10th grade student at Boston Public High. 

Many students, especially boys, believe that it’s normal to sexually harass girls. Joseph, a student at Boston Public High, demonstrated this belief. He admitted he had already committed sexual harassment. He stated, “I just want to do it because I want to, without caring about the girl’s feelings…” 

Unfortunately, according to an interview with a staff member of the school who wishes to remain anonymous, this is not a new dilemma. He said, “I witness sexual harassment every day, in the school, in the street, everywhere.” He further stated, “That happens because the female lets them do it. When a female dresses a certain way (like showing her boobs a little bit), she’s showing what she got. If you have short shorts, a little shirt and you’re walking around, someone might go and touch you. But look at how you’re walking around…if you dress properly nobody will bother you.” 

Yet, this type of language is part of the inherent problem at Boston Public High. Isn’t it a kind of way to blame the victims? Do women really needs to hide themselves so they don’t worry about being violated? Do boys, like Joseph, really think they can touch a woman just because they want to? 

“Sometimes I suffer sexual harassment. When I’m walking, boys start to talk about my rear...even if I wear wider clothes,” said Stefany, a Boston Public High student. “I feel uncomfortable with that. For this reason I stopped going to the pool and beach.”

Stopping this type of behavior is difficult. “There are boys who constantly touch girls’ hair, pull on their hair or touch places where they don’t have permission to touch. Sometimes I see girls not feeling like they have power to say ‘no,’”said Ms. B, a teacher from Boston Public High. “Also, sometimes I see relationships between a boy and a girl where the boy is not treating the girl with enough respect.”

 “I feel really scared because a lot of our students are older—17, 18, 19—so when I see a little bit of emotional abuse, I’m nervous for it to turn violent,” she added. 

“I think the school should have education about sexual harassment, so people can be aware of that,” said Lafouine, a student from Boston Public High.

The benefits of sexual harassment education has been supported by experts. “This new data on consent and sexual assault make it crystal clear that more needs to be done to educate men, women, and young people in this country,” said Dr. Leslie Kantor, Vice President of Education at Planned Parenthood. “In order to curb sexual violence, we need to teach young people how to talk about sex, including how to ask for and recognize consent.”

As you can see, sexual harassment is a critical issue that has been not fully addressed in school. Sexual harassment affects many girls and makes them feel uncomfortable. And the way a girl dresses or walks shouldn't be an excuse to commit it.  Sexual harassment can happen in many different ways. However, not many people are aware of those ways. Thus, we should try to prevent that from happening by having education about sexual harassment for girls and boys.

This woman,

Belongs to you, her heart is possessed by you

She handed you her soul, her mind, and her body

Solely with affection and fidelity.

This woman,

She hesitates, but you reassure her of your promises

You’ve restored her spirit in truth and intellects unknowingly

 Cautiously watered her roots, recovering all her losses. 

This woman,

Adores your sincerity, your love, your knowledge, your patience

She honors your integrity, as it intensified her attraction towards you even more

An attraction comparable to the moon and the oceans.

This woman,

Fell in love with your warmth, your gentle support, and romantic notions

You’ve become her fantasy in a world of dreams and false illusions

With a heart of gold you’ve accepted her guilts, her agonies, her past and

Willingly embraced all the dents, the scars and damaged heart.

This woman,

Without you she does not flourish, she does not blossom, she does not feel

Her nerves soothes with your scent blending in the aura, the charm in your smile and

The genuine tone in your voice as she heals. 

This woman, 

Wrote this for you. 

i’m tripping over my words but i can’t tell if i’m falling for you or just falling in general. 

my heart is pounding but i can’t tell if it wants you or it wants to want.

is it you that’s making me feel this way or is it the adrenaline pumping through my veins.

am i in love with you or am i in love with falling 

At the core of the American Dream is education and one’s right to pursue it without bounds—however, the education system is ringed with inequalities for the poor and others lacking certain privileges. These disadvantages widen the gaps between whites and students of color in higher education. 

Most students in pursuit of higher education face a multitude of problems, like the burden of paying thousands of dollars a year. Currently, the total U.S. student debt is $1.4 trillion and growing rapidly each year. In 2017, the average student amassed $37,172 of debt, and every second about $2,858 worth of student debt is accrued. 

For first generation college students, often students of color from non-affluent neighborhoods, this problem can worsen as they are more likely to drop out; drowning in debt with no college degree is a calamity. Furthermore, the cost of books and other materials weighs down students’ growth.

 Shurly Won, a senior at Simmons University studying computer science and biostatistics, faced these overwhelming challenges. “Financially, many of my classmates have told me that their parents have paid for or will pay for their tuition,” she said. “Unlike them, I need to carry my own burden and take out my own loans.” Won’s responsibility for paying for her college education put her in a different headspace from many of her classmates.

 Many students of color have similar burdens, especially when attending predominantly white schools. Won called her financial advisor before attending Simmons and explained her circumstances, which helped her manage the financial toll college education would take on her.

 “For incoming minority students, I would like them to know that if they happen to be in a difficult situation, never be afraid to speak up,” she said. “There are likely other people on campus who share the same situations.” 

Jaelle Sanon, a junior at Cornell University majoring in industrial and labor relations, echoed these same sentiments. “Take advantage of everything and also advocate for yourself,” she said. “The school accepted you, and now they must give you all the resources needed to succeed.” It is also in the best interest of the college to provide these resources and support programs so students’ successful graduation is guaranteed. 

Many students in college feel out of place, disorganized or homesick. For students of color, these problems are only heightened as the cultural dynamic shift is bigger and stronger.

 According to a study by the Government Accountability Office, starting from K-12 education, students of color are plagued with inequalities, with schools serving predominantly black and Hispanic students offering “disproportionately fewer math, science, and college preparatory courses” and experiencing “disproportionately higher rates of students who were held back in 9th grade, suspended, or expelled.”

An educational gap is one of many factors making life different for students of color in the U.S. These differences manifest themselves as huge obstacles in college as students of color are faced with problems they’ve never encountered before.

Students of color need close support from the institutions they’re attending to guarantee success. Sanon goes to a predominantly white institution, or a PWI, and is a first generation college student of color, which makes her experiences very hard at times. “Academically, I felt like I wasn't prepared for Cornell, but it is a learning curve,” she said. “You learn as you go. I had to re-learn how to read, study and take exams. However, Cornell provides academic services, and I have been able to surround myself with friends in my major to help me.” 

 At Cornell, Sanon attended the Prefreshman Summer Program which she credits for helping her transition from high school to college. “The Prefreshman Summer Program allowed me to take classes in my major before I officially started Cornell as well as familiarize myself with the resources Cornell offers for low-income students,” she said. “I also met some of my best friends there.” 

Programs like these help students of color adapt and prepare themselves for a successful four years of college.